Playbook Guide 02 · The first 30 days

Season Opener

The first 30 days after “yes”: celebrating fully, sharing the news and aligning on a shared vision.

The Principle

Celebrate fully, plan with presence. The “Season Opener” sets the tone and momentum for your entire engagement, so honor the moment and align on what matters most before the season gets busier.

The Essentials

1. Celebrate with presence. The first 30 days after “yes” are an incredibly special time where being present has a meaningful impact. There will almost certainly be a rush of emotion that comes with an urge to start making big “future thinking” leaps. By no means am I suggesting that you can’t or shouldn’t daydream, create vision boards, and start putting the pieces together; that’s fun to do! At the same time, consciously creating the space to celebrate your new engagement with presence generates a particularly special moment that I wish every couple would experience.
2. Share the news thoughtfully and with intention. Closest family and friends hear it from you, ideally in person or by phone, before it goes on social media.
3. Really enjoy the moment. Give yourselves time to simply enjoy being engaged. Unless you’re aware of an urgent timeline or hard-to-get reservation, the booking logistics can wait. Most decisions, especially in the early planning phase, can wait a few weeks. That’s less true for the conversations themselves.
4. Have the vision conversation. Once you feel satisfied with the initial celebration, use the following weeks (again, there is no magic number, but 30 days or so is a good rule of thumb) to align on a shared vision before booking anything. Even before any venue tour, talk about what the day should feel like, roughly how big, and roughly when. This is a good example of remembering “the dance” and how to lead by following. Be engaging and intentional.
5. Talk about the budget range early. Who is contributing, what feels realistically and responsibly achievable, and what matters most to spend on. Think more in ranges at this point; line-item specifics can come later.
6. Align on how and what you’ll plan together. If the resources are available, find a wedding planner who you both enjoy. Even with a planner handling the details, think about how involved you want to be, together and individually. Who owns what, how often you’ll check in, and where ideas and decisions will live.
7. Don’t force it. Don’t book a venue, date or vendor until you’ve reached a solid understanding of the vision. Early excitement can sometimes lead to rushed decisions that you later wish you could revise.
8. Protect your energy. Everyone will have opinions. Details can get tedious. Even the best-laid plans need tweaks and changes. Lean on your resources to help you navigate — and exercise gratitude throughout the journey.
9. Be decisive on the practical details. Appraise and insure the ring, start a shared folder or note for ideas, create a Pinterest board or IG collection, and remember to keep celebrating and supporting each other each step of the way.

Self-Reflections

Questions for honest self-assessment and curiosity to help build confidence as you progress through your groom season.

• Have we made time and space to celebrate each other and this unique time in our lives?
• What do we want people to feel when they leave our wedding?
• Big celebration, intimate gathering, or something in between?
• Close to home, or somewhere that means something to us?
• What season or year feels right, and why?
• What are our top three priorities, and what can we let go of?
• Who’s helping pay, and what does that mean for decision-making?
• How involved does each of us want to be in planning?
• Is one of us better with details? Organization?
• Which traditions from our families do we want to keep?

Potential Missteps

• Posting before telling the people who matter most.
• Booking a venue in week one because a date was available.
• Letting family set the vision before the two of you have one.
• Avoiding the money conversation until a contract is on the table.
• Stepping back from planning because “it’s their day.” It’s yours too.
• Forgetting to insure the ring.

Julian's Journey

Sharing tidbits from my own experience that may help discern your own confidence level:

How did you and Alexandra spend the first weeks of your engagement?

The first night was the most magical because we were surrounded by a carefully selected group of friends and family in the perfect environment that felt right at home for us. We love to be on the water. We love to dress up. We love small, but intentional celebrations. We enjoy good food. Having those elements combined with our love for each other was simply magnificent.

We kept the magic going a few days later with a 5-day trip to Paris where we just took our time, sat at cafes, went shopping, had a photoshoot, allowed the city to sweep us off our feet, and generally melted into each other.

Who did you tell first, and how?

Aside from the group of people who celebrated with us in person, we called our family and a couple other close friends who knew it was coming but weren’t able to make the celebration.

When did the vision for Scilla start to take shape, and how did you decide together?

One of Alex’s best friends has a twin who does event and wedding planning. It just so happens her family is from that part of Italy. She expressed interest in being the “one stop shop” for all the wedding details. When Alex found her dress, which has this old world charm and elegance (so I’ve been told, I haven’t actually seen it yet), it cemented our decision to plan a destination wedding with an ultra selective guest list.

One thing you wish someone had told you the day after you got engaged.

Drink more champagne!

Checklist

Tick items off as you go. Your progress stays on this device.

Make it yours

From the ask to the aisle.

The Curator is Grūm SZN’s premium offering: it helps you focus your priorities relative to how much time you have and moves with you along your journey. One-on-one sessions with Julian can be added à la carte (volume discounts available) for a bespoke service experience.

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Grūm SZN shares personal experience and general ideas only. Nothing here is legal, financial, insurance or mental-health advice. For decisions like budgets, contracts or insuring a ring, talk with a qualified professional.